Thursday, 27 June 2013

1STWP: IS IRONMAN A 'FUCKING ASSHOLE'?

(1st World Problems is a regular feature on iam___ where we explore the many dangers which threaten us as self-aware members of the 1st World. Let's see what today's situation is.)

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Hey, y'all.
Just watching the previous 2 Ironman films atm in preparation for when a decent torrent of Ironman 3 becomes available so that I can DL it and watch it illegally. 

From what I understand, Ironman is The Cool One from the Avengers team of advanced superhero friends. He is worth literally tens of thousands of US Dollars and lives a decadent, playboy lifestyle: 


  • Keeping it casual in some of the worlds most amazing cars.
  • Surrounding himself with glamorous women / 'Grade A pieces of ass'.
  • Buying expensive presents / making passive-aggressive demands for sex. 
  • Private aeroplane.
  • Hobnobbing with celebs and smoking cigars.


Unfortunately, I am unfamiliar with the majority of ^^^ those activities and am sadly priced-out of enjoying them, so I have no choice but to utterly condemn Ironman (due to jealousy).  

Feeling really apathetic about my quality of life.
Feeling like I live in the 3rd World in conditions similar to those of an animal when compared to T. Stark / Robert Downey Jr.

Is it too late to go to university to study Business Studies?

Lets take our mind of things with a brief Q&A hmmm?
If you could be any superhero for a day / the rest of your life who would y'all chose? 

Check your answer against what it says about you below: 



Captain America: You are a goody2shoes and probs middle management at a call centre / miscellaneous retail outlet. 



Batman: You are mysterious but also approachable and trustworthy. You 'get shit done' and don't give an eff about authority or The Man.




Hulk: You have low body confidence :-( sadface.  




Green Lantern Man: You are constantly 'on the go' striving to be the best that you can be. (Dozens of abdominal exercises and L'Oreal moisuriser.)




Ironman: 'Fucking asshole'.




Spiderman: You are playful, self-confident, and self-aware. Although you enjoy internet pornography, it is mostly harmless / light bondage.



Thor: You have seen the major motion picture - The Matrix around 4 times. You spend sooo much time OTI arguing about 'complete fucking bullshit'.

The Superman: Ugh. You probably do not know a lot about comics. You prefer Smallville 2000 to The Amazing Lois and Clark Adventures 1990.



Wonderwoman: You are The Cool Broad at work. You are 'down' with going to stripclubs and posting vague status' / melancholy selfies. 



Wolverine: You are a clevercloggs kind of shrew, explaining how technically mutants are not superheroes and then looking smug. You will have back hair.




Bonus Q&A
Does anyone know wtf happened to Teri Hatcher's bewbs after the mid 1990's? 
I am aghast.


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