Wednesday, 6 February 2013

AN ENGLISH MAN IN BANGKOK 6


Brothers. Sisters. I'm sorry I've neglected you recently. The absolute last thing I want is for you to think that we've hit the 3 year relationship and suddenly I don't have time for you because you no longer interest me / you gained weight / lost relevancy / I no longer care you because of _____. 
Nothing could be further from the truth. 
Like the bro says in the song, "You were always on my mind."

Anyways. Let's 'catch up'. 
How're you? 
Kewl. 
Me? 
Yeah, I'm good thanks. Thank you for asking. 'Just travelling and shit atm.

I'm feeling kind of casual about the whole situation. Please don't get me wrong, I won't be returning to the UK with a mouthful of BS about how I 'found myself' or #madeachange - but I have been walking barefoot allot - so I guess that I'm half and half.

I sort of feel bad for the bros and sheros here who don't have access to Wi-Fi. I sort of feel like, because of this condition, that they're living in the '3rd World' and are less self aware / creative / interesting / informed about memes / good as me. Maybe it's my alabaster skin. Maybe it's my pocket full of £££. Maybe it's my God given right to 2mb+ internets. I don't want to sound 'like a dick' but that's how 'I feel'. 
How do you feel?

It's my single biggest concern here - with the booking the hotels and stuff. 
Not, 'Do you have aircon?' 
'Do you have hot water?' 
'Do you have _____?' 
These things do not concern me. 
I feel, as a small business owner and everybro, that having broadband internets is more important to me than x

Maybe this is a social commentary thing?
Maybe we've 'lost touch with the shit' in the West. 
'Not sure. 
Worried.

Worried that maybe now that I've turned 20, then 22, then 25, then 2_, and now 30, that maybe these situations shouldn't concern me as much. Maybe I should be moar concerned with 'adult situations'. Marriage. Kids. 1080p flat screen TV's (1 in the living room and 1 in the bedroom with Freeview). Tesco Clubcard Points. 
Worried.
Excited?

Anyways. Thailand. Overall, I'm loving it (Re: McDonnalds advert. Also, they serve a Big Mac here which looks dangerously like 'the photo'. Plump. 100% beef patty. Shhh - special sauce). 
I'm on the islands atm. Keeping it casual. 
I'm staying in some little hut thing on the seafront. 
Think Santa's Grotto meets bar smoking area / patio meets mum's gnome collection in the garden. It's cute. 

I feel sort of bad for the sex trade industry and shit here. My mission here (as a bro on the front line, deep in 'the shit') is to bring you the truth. To that end, I sort of wanted to talk to one of these bro's on the wrong side of 40 / 50+ with some 20something Thai woman. My friends said, "Adam. You should not have this convo with these bros."   
To which I replied, "I have to. For the lols. For the internet."

So I spoke to this German chap with a Thai 'piece of ass'.
     "Bro. As one bro to another, please explain to me wtf is going on here?" I say.
     "What do you mean?" he replies.
     "Bro. Mine is not to judge. But the internet needs to know. Please explain."
     "Okay. I have a girlfriend (shero) back in Germany and this woman / bitch is my bit on the side."
     "Why?"
     "Because I want to."

And that's it.  That really is the whole fucking deal. It's a commodity.
Sister has the hawt.
Brother has the £££ (or whatever the symbol is for German currency).
It's a symbiotic relationship.
It's a shambles.

Worried.
Worried about bros who need to 'pay for sex'.
It sort of makes me think, 'Wouldn't you rather be with some broad who likes you for you? Not your £££ (or whatever the symbol is for German currency)?'
I don't ever want to be that bro.

So it's zzz time for me now. 
Brothers. Sisters.
I'm sorry that there's no 'pretty pictures and stuff' in this post.
Like this one said, I'm staying in some stoopid hut and my internets here are 'fucking gay' (Re: no bandwith and uploading potential).

Miss you.
Love you.
<3 heart symbol.


WHAT HAVE WE LERNED?

  • As you know, I'm more of a cat person, but puppies are pretty cute / kewl.
  • Thai doors lock from the inside. Just push the button in, man. 
  • As AN ENGLISH MAN IN _____, I feel it important to raise our collective national brand by being pretty chill to anyone and everyone I meet. The staff. Some Russian. The cleaner. (Pick up broken bottles and shit. #makeachange #onenation #hashtag). English people don't have to be a bunch of dicks on tour. We, I, you, we, us, me can make a change.
  • You don't need to tip. (But I do because of ^.)
  • I sort of miss Caucasian girls.
  • I tried to teach 'the savage niggers' about English music. It turns out that there's a Thai band which basically rips off Blur songs and translates them into Thai. Coffee and TV. Chord for chord.
  • Do not order a Carbonara here. You will be disapoint :( sadface.
  • That is all.



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