Wednesday, 31 August 2011

FOR SALE: IPHONE 4 (I ACCEPT PAYPAL, MONIES, AND LOLS)

I have had an epiphany. If they can make up buying stuff I can make up selling stuff. I have set the trap.

And now we wait...

---



iPhone 4 Black 32GB - BOXED - UNLOCKED ANY NETWORK

£350 Wandsworth, London


I'm selling my iPhone 4. It's the 32GB model in black. It's in great condition, and hasn't really been used - other than turning it on and having a play. I'm happy with my HTC, which leaves this phone up for grabs!

It comes boxed with all the leads and manuals.

I'm willing to post it, so will accept PayPal.

---


Tuesday, 30 August 2011

JENIFER REECE: DOES NOT FUCK AROUND


--- ( CASE CLOSED. WIN? FAIL? FIND OUT AT THE BOTTOM ) ---

JENIFER REECE: DOES NOT FUCK AROUND


Subject: Reply to your ad: OLYMPUS X-820 8MP CAMERA Boxed, 2 cards, leads, manuals

Hi there Adam, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "OLYMPUS X-820 8MP CAMERA Boxed, 2 cards, leads, manuals" (ad# 86744608) from jenifer <jenifer.reece@yahoo.com>:

i have interest in your ad, is it still for sale? tell me it's condition

---

Hello Jenifer,

Well you can see from the photo, its in really good condition. Fully working. A great camera! Would you like to come and view it?

Thanks.

Adam

--- ( Literally like 2 mins later. She is a shrewd negotiator. ) ---

Thanks for the quick reply.
Kindly let me know your last price for this item. any reduction from the price on the ad?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Regards.

---

Hello again,

the price, at this point it must be, the asking price of £50. do you like? the value is amazing.

Adam

--- ( oh noes. It's a scam. tl;dr ) ---

thank you for the fast reply.
i am willing to proceed with the transaction now.kindly login to your paypal account and select the request money button located at the top of your paypal account homepage and send the money request directly to my paypal account id which is jenifer.reece@yahoo.com so that i can submit payment to you via paypal right now as paypal is safe, fast and easy to send and receive money online.

If you don't have a paypal account just logon to www.paypal.com and set up your paypal account, after setting up your paypal account you locate the request money button located at the top of your paypal account home page, use it to request money directly from my paypal account which is jenifer.reece@yahoo.comonce I receive your money request from paypal, I will submit payment to you immediately via paypal asap.

Get back asap.

---

Jenifer,

before we proceed i have a number on conserns about this transaction. can you guarantee me maximum security
for the transaction? also, how do i set up with the paypal? i would also like to know a little about you, if thats ok? my name is adam.

i await you're reading. adam x

--- ( Now jenifer is calling me jenifer. ) ---

jenifer. you have 100% secure and gurantee on it, and If you don't have a paypal account just logon to www.paypal.com and set up your paypal account, after setting up your paypal account you locate the request money button located at the top of your paypal account home page, use it to request money directly from my paypal account which is jenifer.reece@yahoo.com once I receive your money request from paypal, I will submit payment to you immediately via paypal asap.

Get back asap.

---

Jenifer,

i like to see who it is i am dealing with. i hope you understand my situation. first, i will offer you a photo of me. then, you will the send me the photo of you. this way our trade can commence with full transparency and maximum security.



thanks. adam x

--- ( Pics. Be warned. What has been seen can never be unseen. ) ---

Thanks for the quick reply.
Kindly let me know your last price for this item. any reduction from the price on the ad?
I hope to hear from you soon.
Regards.
Jenifer,that is the picture


















---

omg. you are so beautiful. i do not know much about manatees or indeed most marine mammals - but theres something about you that speaks to my loins. before i give you my final price (rest assured, warm, and secure it will be my best price for you, baby). it is time for us to exchange a troth. this troth is this:

is there a Mr Jenifer? excuse my forwardness but when 2 worlds like ours collide the universe is never quite the wsame again. 


adam x

---

yes there is mr. jenifer, but.. is a long story. let complete the transaction first. and then what ever you want to know i will tell you.
thanks

--- ( I'll take her to Life, but I'd rather go to the Haunt. ) ---

Jenifer,

would you consider leaving Mr Jenifer and coming to Life with me? not only do i have this camera, i also have a Sega Mega Drive with 4 games, and an microwave. i dont know if you're understanding all this, but i trust with correct usage of you're eyes you will read the words.

reply by email. adam x


---

ok, but as i said in the former e-mail. am not with mr. jenifer will separated for long and i do not want any man problem in my life, all i have in mind now is my daughter... please let us complete the transaction first before pleasure mr adam


---
 

Jenifier,

i too am blessed with a daughter. here i am on her wedding day. i was older then. 
























right, i think we've dansed the danse for long enough and now its time to conclude our business. as you say...pleasure can follow ;-) thats the smilly face when it is winking.

right. so what was youre offer on the camera? please bear in mind it is a colour camera. also, bear in mind i'll treat you real nice. i will give you a pet name. "my bobo"
. is this cool?

i await youre reading. x


---

£45

---

£50?

--- ( Wall of text. tl:dr ) ---

ok..

thank you for the fast reply.

i am willing to proceed with the transaction now.kindly login to your paypal account and select the request money button located at the top of your paypal account homepage and send the money request directly to my paypal account id which is jenifer.reece@yahoo.com so that i can submit payment to you via paypal right now as paypal is safe, fast and easy to send and receive money online.

If you don't have a paypal account just logon to www.paypal.com and set up your paypal account, after setting up your paypal account you locate the request money button located at the top of your paypal account home page, use it to request money directly from my paypal account which is jenifer.reece@yahoo.com once I receive your money request from paypal, I will submit payment to you immediately via paypal asap.

Get back asap.

---

Jenifer, my bobo,

i do not have a PayPal account. :( sadface

adam x



---



--- ( CASE CLOSED )---



WIN

Jenifer. My beautiful bobo. What are you? I've prompted her a couple of times for a follow up but unfortunately a love that burned as brightly as ours simply couldn't last. I think it's like that video to Last Christmas. I'm George Michael wearing a jumper. My bobo is that bitch George Michael's singing about.


  
SCORE: 4 / 5 HIGH 5'S

--- ( WT WE HAVE LERNED? ) ---

  • Nigerian wedded couples take the first name of the woman as their married name.
  • I <3 Father of the Bride.
  • That is all.



DAVID WELLTON: PHOTOGRAPHER. FATHER.


--- ( CASE CLOSED. WIN? FAIL? FIND OUT AT THE BOTTOM ) ---

DAVID WELLTON: PHOTOGRAPHER. FATHER.


Subject: Reply to your ad: OLYMPUS X-820 8MP CAMERA Boxed, 2 cards, leads, manuals

Hi there Adam, you have received a reply to your Gumtree posting "OLYMPUS X-820 8MP CAMERA Boxed, 2 cards, leads, manuals" (ad# 86744608) from <davidwellton>:</davidwellton>

is this for sale?

David,

---

David, I say hello to you,

It must be for sale. The price? £50. The quality? Excellent. You would like?

Adam

--- ( The pitch. tl;dr ) ---

Hello i am Mr David Wellton  from United State Of America how are you today and how are your families ? hope all is good ? well i am interested in buying the item for my daughter in West Africa(Nigeria), because it my daughter that need it and i hope she would like it , so kindly get to me with the total cost of the item including the shipping cost to her address
 below with post office, i pay through either PayPal or Bank transfer.
reply soon.

First Name :Sheyi
Middle Name-Cole
Address : 178,Akerele Ext
 City : Surulere Lagos
 Zip code : 23401
Country : Nigeria

Thanks and have a blessed day

am just adding this the p&p must not be more than 50 pounds and it is needed urgently

---

David,

i like you. i like a man who likes to get to noes a man before he gets down to business. my family you ask? they are good. dad, (or as i like to call him "Scampi"), has a bad back. i think it is from when he put the hair gel on his head in vast quantities and then the weight of carrying it around all day has a bad back. he put the gel on his head to slick it back, this way Scampi could ease his head between the railings of the local school to look at the children. with the hair slicked back, a quick withdraw was not only an option, it was a reality.

how is you're family, david? i am awaiting you're reading. adam x

---

David,

please explain. are you still interested in this item? i am willing to sent the item. 

adam x


------ ( CASE CLOSED ) ------


FAIL

Unfortunately, "David Wellton" has decided this is a no win situation and has pulled out of the transaction. Maybe I went in too strong with the stuff about Scampi? :( sadface.

I have created a scoring system to rate how rad a mission is. How can you scientifically and mathematically rate how rad something is?

Unless you are a fucking retard, you know it can only be with High 5's. 



SCORE: 1 / 5 HIGH 5'S



--- ( WT WE HAVE LERNED? ) ---

  • Do not talk about looking at children until at least a few emails.
  • Nigeria is in West Africa.
  • That is all.



IT BEGINS :D


Hullo all. Due to demand from the internets, I have decided to start a blog to chronicle my holy war against the Nigerian Email Scamers.

They are the lolcows. I am the farmer. I will milk their tut's dry of nutritious lols.

"i am awaiting you're reading".

Adam x