Come. Let us reflect:
- Death of popular celebs.
- Irreversible climate change.
- Polar bear decimation / soggy penguin.
- Bee decimation / Colony Collapse Syndrome.
- Whatevs launch of Ecksbawks One and PS4.
- Private space shuttle-bro's space shuttle explodes.
- 'Visionary director' Zack Snyder's Batman Vs Superman.
- 'Mental' North Korea's nuclear test bogaloo Vs UN sanctions.
- The £ dropping off into the Mariana's Trench.
Really, the only good thing that came out of this year is that Leo got his Oscar (and my cat got the all clear from the vet). So where do we go from here, y'all?
As you're no doubt aware the average iamawaitingyourereading reader (nearly 400k obvs) is savvy enough to just 'switch off from the negative vibrations', spent more time on the internet, and buy more things. That's okay for US but what about THEM? We're all in this together; be that Ryan Shrew from Southampton with +15% body fat or Chun Li from China (?) with the Spinning Bird Kick. We have a responsibility as self-aware content consumers living in the modern urban environment to assist our peers and let them know, "Everything will sort itself out :-] happyface."
To this end I've put together a 5 step plan to remedy the situation. Tell a friend. Then that friend will tell a friend. Then that friend will tell a friend. Then, like ripples in a pond, positive vibes and chillwaves will restore our collective species' situation:
1) Ignore All Issues - Obvs the best way to resolve a problem is to ignore it until it sorts itself out.
2) Derail Think Pieces - Intellectual circle jerks have got us, as a species, nowhere. Best thing to do in these situations is spam all threads with cat .gifs.
3) Get A Cat - From what I understand, cats don't care for many things straight off the bat. If you can convince the cat that it cares for you (or can convince yourself that the cat is convinced) then everything is okay.
4) MP3s - Cultivate a strong MP3 library that represents your personal brand; be that reggae music for minimum wage coffee shop-bros, strong female role model broad MP3, or bleepbloop MP3 from Soundcloud - you just do you.
5) The Universe Is HUGE - The universe is huge. It's all a storm in a tea cup.
Are you worried about the future?
Are you 'pretty whatevs' about the future?
Do you remember when David Bowie died and everyone was like, "HOW CN KAYNE WEST STILL B ALIV?!!!" Not really a question, but there was a lot of salt that week.
Would you kill a polar bear to save a polar bear?
Should all political situations, regardless of democracy, just be voted on by peeps who actually understand the situaition?
Clinton or Trump? (Oh Gawd we haven't even got to that yet.)
Are 'next generation' consoles just crap PCs?
Are Apple PCs just expensive PCs (but with better branding / customer support)?
Should DC just sell the rights to Batman to Marvel?
These are great days we're living in. Fast internet. Nice skin care products. Loads of competitive prices on the highstreet. Enjoy it, y'all. Savior it, you all.
We might be fighting over a can of tuna come next year.
(kiss hug kiss hug, and then a final kiss.)