Thursday, 25 September 2014


I was walking through the modern urban environment and saw a group of youths performing the popular teen hobby of parkour. From what I understand, the modern urban environment becomes your playground. You are jumping over a wall of above average height. You are balancing on a rail. You are jumping down stairs, climbing railway property, and refusing to cooperate with police.
You are sticking it to the man / maxed out on your overdraft.
You are free.

Seems like a great outlet to 'blow off steam and effing be yourself'. Let's get real; sometimes the world just doesn't understand you / your situation, so it's great you can round up a group of your core bros and play sillybuggers in a local space. Up until now young white people had so few ways to truly express themselves (marijuana amphetamine bongs, a kickaround in the local leisure centre, reggae music). I'm not a scientist but I guess that's why we never see a black person doing parkour - as they have loads of great activities to participate in already (professional athleticism, the rap game / gang culture / put a cap in a dome, 'protesting about black issues via social media or sharing a poignant think piece'). 
I guess it takes all sorts.

Much like the micro scooter meme of 2010, I thought that this situation was done and dusted. (Not really a question.) 
Do your parents / middle manager not understand you / your personal brand? :-[
Shouldn't it be enough that you:
a) Turn up to work on time?
b) Delete your browser history? 
Or do they want something more?
What's the most relevant way to stick it to The Man?
a) Partially shaved haircut situation?
b) Being born rich / dating a poor person combo?
c) Being born poor / dating a rich person combo?
d) Charity fun run?
e) Ambiguous social media profile piccy?
f) Turning up late to work / ignoring deadlines?
g) Living in the woods?
h) MP3s?
Aren't we all just trying to find the most relevant outlet to minimise the stresses of the 1st World, be it starting the mosh pit or getting breast implants?
Just want to ask 1 question really - did anyone play Mirrors Edge?

(2 kisses.)

Monday, 22 September 2014


Thousands of years after the events of Braveheart I'm so glad that we're finally at peace with Scotland. Y'all can buzz about it all you want, but unfortunately the reality of the situation is that no one really cared enough about it 
:-[ sadface. It's such a shame because iamawaitingyourereading was running a competition for exceptional young people to design the new Scottish flag. The winner would've received 10 iam___ points, which could've been exchanged for cool prizes from our Etsy shop:

  • An exciting product from the Owl Economy
  • A DVD of the Muslim propaganda film, Life of Pi.
  • 6 months of Zumba classes to remove that stubborn belly fat.
  • Extra internets. 

Thank eff that we don't have to sort through the dozens of entries for a winner now - but let's look at some of the best entries we received, hmmm?

Traditional Tartan Flag

This one seemed to be a front-runner from day 1. It's synonymous with the kilt and it's featured heavily in the films Highlander and the film by Pixar.

Lochness Monster Flag

The Lochness Monster Economy raises literally hundreds of pounds every quarter. Although science seems pretty whatevs about the situation, dismissing it as a load of old codswollop, die hard fans continue to believe. 

Pork Pie Flag

Savoury snacks are also big business in Scotland. This flag celebrates authentic Scottish food in a clean and elegant way.


Do you know anyone / are you someone from Scotland? 
Will this 'No' vote create negative vibes throughout Britain?
With the availability of cheap broadband is geographical location becoming more and more unimportant? Is this zzz boring vote situation another example?
Do you keep up with current events or is that mostly for bros trying to create the opportunity to cum with broads who walk barefeet?
What's the difference between England and Britain?
What's the difference between an exceptional young person and a grubby little know-it-all, or are they basically the same thing?

Saturday, 20 September 2014


Hey y'all. Since his name came up a couple of posts ago I simply haven't been able to stop thinking about JC. That's right, I'm talking about Jesus Christ. There's just something about him, man. 

Sure it's easy to lol out loud at people who are into religion - and in many ways they're some of the least self aware peeps in the game - but maybe it's all down to marketing? Cultivating a religious personal brand is a 24/7 situation. Let's reflect:

  • No sex before marriage. (Maybe a bj or miscellaneous slap and tickle is allowed.)
  • Very poor media presence. (Russell Crowe is Noah. Religious connotations of March of the Penguins. Voting for a new Pope.)
  • Constant allegations / prosecutions of pedo / sexual predator stuff.
  • Flip reversed cross logo on leggings.

Might email the church with some personal branding solutions. For example, you can use the following cool symbol for JC ✝_✝_✝. This one for the Baby Jesus __ and this one for the Holy Ghost _ _ _

Which of the following bible stories would you all most like to see exploited by Hollywood? 
Adam <3 Eve. A romantic comedy where Owen Wilson is Adam and the broad from Hunger Games is Eve. The snake is voiced by
Adam & I. Serious business dramatisation told from the perspective of Eve. Scarlett Johansen is Eve and does loads of scenes in darkened rooms, silhouetting her breasts, but failing to deliver the goods :-[
Flood! A stoopid animated kids film for kids made by Dreamworks. It tells the story of the animals post-Noah's flood situation. An edgy comedian voices an animal.
I'll Have What He's Having. Romcom about Jesus' forgotten brother trying to ascend to such great heights / heaven in his bro's shadow. Robert Downy Jr plays everyone. 
Omega. Artsy circlejerk told from the perspective of God; from the 7 Day situation right through to the rapture. This film totally ignores the Big Bang and tries to generate buzz / monitise itself by issuing confrontational press releases towards the scientists.
Should I abuse Kickstarter to get this shit funded?
Is Dreamworks a poorman's Pixar, or are they both pretty meh in our post-Toy Story 3 world?

(1 kiss, 1 hug, and another kiss.)