Saturday, 25 April 2015


It's well known that Tom Cruise leads a solitary life. 
His evenings are filled with push ups, strange illuminate rituals, and probs keeping a diary / journal. In many ways he's the sun chasing the moon; he want's Joe public to like him but also has a deep disdain for The Common Man (9-5 hours / -£20'000 salary / +10% body fat).
I am familiar with the following Tom Cruise films:

  • Cocktail - A cool man.
  • Top Gun - Homosexual undertones / promoting America.
  • Interview With The Vampire Man - Not Brad Pitt vampire.
  • Minority Report / Oblivion / Live. Die. Repeat - Miscellaneous Sci Fi.
  • I Am A Samurai - A cool man. Sex with Asians.
  • Valkyrie - Hitler?
  • Mission Impossible - Tom Cruise. 

In many of the above ^^^ major motion pictures there are the following themes:

  • Seducing misc broads.
  • Inconsequential murder of misc extras.
  • Dedication to The Way (Sci Fi biz / mysterious biz).
  • Being cool [via expositional dialogue / not conforming with The Man).

Feeling worried about Tom Cruise. For example, I feel he'd be adverse to me calling him 'Big T', or 'T' - but he'd be totes onboard with my calling him 'Papa T'. I feel in my womb that he'd be kewl with me hanging out with him in the VIP lounge (letting him pay for everything) but would get pissypants about my being taller and passive aggressively tell me to sit on a lower chair. He'd show me how high he could do a roundhouse kick like in the middle of Tesco, knocking all the special offer Dolmio sauce to the floor, but then help the minimum wage bro clean up the mess and upload a photo to Twitter Bird [via the common touch]. Do you know what I mean?

Anyways, I recently came across some behind the scenes footage / propaganda of him doing some redonk stunts for the new Mission Impossible film. From what I understand he's hanging off a plane - similar to him hanging from the Muslim building circa 2010. Worried. As self aware content consumers living in The 1st World, can we in all honesty trust this promotional material? We're all familiar enough with green screen shenanigans that we can spot an attack ship on fire off the shoulder of Orion as easily as we can spot the ted in Ted. Is he just paying some bro to do this biz for him? In our post-Prometheus world can we really trust any promo material anymore? 
As we previously discussed, Tom Cruise cares little for Average Joe - so why should he court our opinion hmmm?

We, as tech savvy content consumers living in the 1st World, must be sceptical of all art forms - be that a Flash Mob celebrating transgender situations or a cup cake sale promoting the Gaza Strip meme.

Does Papa T do his own films or does he just pay some bro to do 'the heavy lifting' [via Kate Moss body double]?
Are flair barmen fucking bullshit [via serve the drink already]?
What's your fav <3 Papa T film?
Is Will Smith an albino Tom Cruise?
I quite liked the Day After Tomorrow / Live. Die. Repeat. (Not really a question.)

Remain self aware, y'all.

(2 kisses.)

Sunday, 12 October 2014


From what I understand the flatcap personal branding solution is making an organic comeback. You may remember this meme circa 2010-2011, where it was a relevant personal branding solution for the following groups of people:

  • Fisherman.
  • Tattoo man
  • Straight Edge guitar techs.
  • Poachers / faux Romanian gypsy chic. 
  • Steam Punk alternative personal brand.
  • Broads who liked photography.
  • Broads who keep a diary.

This list is no means exhaustive, and there may have been other sub-cultures who adopted this trend. Do y'all remember the Edge from the popular stadium band U2?
Seems like he could've afforded hair plugs / a better hat, but maybe it was a poor decision made by his marketing team or he saw it on TV somewhere? I guess we'll never truly know the answer in our post-U2-free-album-backlash world. 

Isn't it funny how fashion goes in swings and roundabouts? What was last seasons darling trend is this seasons amateur hour.

In this post I've been exploring my relationship with personal branding in the modern urban environment. 

Would you describe yourself as an early adopter or a late adopter? I'd probs describe myself as a medium adopter; although I'm not adverse to the idea of wearing disco pants (for him) I'd most likely hold off buying some until 3-5 of my core bros had committed to the situation 1st.
Have you ever considered the Straight Edge personal brand, or is that mostly for people who 'go completely effing mental after 2-3 drinks' / people trying too hard?
What's the most relevant accessory in your wardrobe?
What's the least relevant? (Bonus question.)
Do you embrace new / current / returning trends or violently reject their teachings?

Please remain open-minded when creating / maintaining your personal brand, but also be ready to immediately throw someone under the bus when they make a poor decision. (Metaphor.) 

Thursday, 9 October 2014


If you’re anything like me then you’ll defo have your eyes on this Autumns hottest digital releases. If you're anything like me then, unfortunately, you’ll have no intention of paying for them. As we’ve discussed several times before internet piracy truly is a victimless crime, delivering tons of content onto our storage devices via satellites and wires. Come, let’s reflect:

  • Forces the content creator to release only their most relevant content. Gone are the days of nurturing / supporting the artist. We demand 1-3 products immediately, offering payment only in exchange for a show within a manageable distance and monetary reward on our terms. 
  • Conservation. As y’all know, we only have 1 planet and have to do anything we can to protect it from negative vibes and pollution; from studying a local bee population to dropping an atom bomb on India if they fail to meet their greenhouse gas emission targets. Internet piracy saves the rainforests as digital distribution platforms do away with traditional packaging. 
  • Balances the equation of life. Obviously The Man is constantly trying to keep us down :-[ (Council tax, VAT 20%, not policing simple carbohydrate ready meal availability, minimum wage sillybuggers, and an effing redonk understaffed NHS.)  In order to bring the situation back into balance we must illegally download content to boost our morale.

Accepting all of this as truth we have to do whatever we can to circumvent torrent site blocks. We owe it to ourselves. Here’s some proxy addresses:

Kick Ass Torrents
Pirate Bay

Is VAT ‘complete fucking bullshit’?
How many gigabytes of content to you illegally download a week?
a) 1?
b) 10? 
c) I honestly have no idea. Like 50+?
Have you ever received a passive aggressive cease and desist letter from your ISP? 
Do you download content ‘to try it out first & then if I like it, I buy it’ or is that simply untrue?

(3 kisses.)