Thursday, 27 March 2014

THE NHS SENT ME A SURVEY. I AM GLAD.

Y'all.
Have y'all ever heard about the NHS? From what I understand, it provides jobs for medical students who can't find work privately (due to poor grades / miscellaneous misconduct). It also offers experienced call centre staff the chance to earn over £9 an hour manning the phones for 999 Emergency Services Hotline and 111 Casual Services. It's an exciting opportunity. Unfortunately, The Man / Government is constantly trying to destroy the NHS; dismantling its infrastructure and undermining its situation.
Obviously we should try to keep ourselves to ourselves where politics are concerned. There's just so much content out there, y'all. We can't afford to waste time and 'get the knickers in the twist' when there're so many torrents to illegally download. MP3s. 1080p movie torrents. Games. TV series' and of course amazing pornography. Sometimes it's a wonder that anything gets done ;-]

As you're no doubt aware, The Man / Government doesn't have a very evolved online presence and prefers to send 'actual letters' to civilians :-[ 
This morning they sent 'a letter' to me.

Fortunately my parents brought me a reasonably priced Dell Desktop PC with printer / scanner combo for Christmas, so I can scan it and share it with y'all. 

I am feeling happy because I have been chosen. 
I am also learning about PM David Cameron. (PM = Prime Minister.) 




This photo ^^^ makes me proud to be British. I feel that I finally 'get' David Cameron. 

In image 1) we see that our leader is well informed. He's taking the time to chat shop with some broad. It's really good that a photographer was there or we might have missed this content.

In image 2) we see that our leader is basically a bro; hes of us. He's playing sillybuggers with the staff. He's loling out loud.

In image 3) David seizes an opportunity to promote his compassionate personal brand.

I feel that I finally 'get' David Cameron. 


Q&A
Have you ever voted or is that for people who're trying too hard?
Are 'letters' the most unself-aware form of communication?
Why are there no black people / miscellaneous coloureds near our PM? 
a) Innocent coincidence?
b) Passive aggressive racism?
Will the soft collar / no tie personal brand be big for politicians in 2014?
WTF is an MRI scan?

xxx
(3 kisses.)

Saturday, 1 March 2014

WHAT WILL REPLACE THE OWL ECONOMY?

Hey y'all.
We've spent long enough investigating the Global Financial Crisis that we now have a pretty good grasp on the situation. Politically, we're right up there with some bro watching TED seminars online or some broad who's vegan; we just get it.

From what I understand, the Owl Economy continues to decline :-( sadface. Mysterious illuminati-like figures behind dated BS retail shops (BHS, Bert's Homestore, and Debenhams) are on the lookout for the next big thing. As self aware content consumers we're in a really strong position to predict up and coming trends. If we organise ourselves, liquidate our collective net worth, and invest heavily in _____ we could make 'mad bank'.

"I am constantly trying,
to raise my net worth,
by embracing emerging trends.
WTF is The Bitcoin?" - A Delicate Haiku 

'Jesus Christ'. What's the next big thing going to be? 


Ironic 80's Revival Revival

Orange. Green. Red. Yellow. Bold colours. You are wearing them. Maybe we should invest in an ironic revival of the recent 80's revival?


Badgers

The badger has an edgy personal brand. Broads who embraced the Owl Economy (in 2008) are now wiser and world-weary. They have been hurt :-( sadface. Rebranding their situation with badger merchandise would show them to be strong and independent as they heal (into 2014).
 Dinosaur Situations

Maybe we should all look into dinosaurs, y'all? Jurassic Park V (V = 5?) is in the pipeline for 2015, which should take sales to such great heights. 
Fox Animal

Despite a reputation for tramp-like behaviour (bin diving in bins, eating pets, stinky fur) the fox continues to have a great public image. Industry experts print foxes on shabby chic tins, frumpy dresses, but also coffee cups.
Matrix Coat

Matrix Coat?







At the start of this post I didn't feel very confident about my understanding of the marketplace, but now I'm feeling very confident :-) happyface.


Q&A
Do you TED? 
What's the diff between 'net worth' and 'gross worth' or are they 'basically the same thing'?
The Man / Government keeps on threatening to cull / murder badgers and foxes. Are owls pulling the strings behind this situation?
Would you change your Facebook profile piccy to support the basic human rights of #badgers or #foxes?
Would you change your Facebook profile piccy to support the cull / murder of #badgers or #foxes?
Do you not give an eff either way?

"Feeling incredibly confused by TED. 
Seems like documentaries made for unemployed postgrads & 3am marijuana smokers. 
Confused." - A Haiku

xx
(2 kisses.)

Thursday, 9 January 2014

CAMBODIAN SITUATIONS

Y'all.
Just wondering if y'all have heard of the mystical land of Cambodia? From what I understand it's 'sort of like Thailand 5-10 years ago but so much more real, y'all'. It's like you can literally find yourself and learn to FEEL again.
That's a feeling that we'd all like to feel again :-( sadface.

"This is no bullshit, bro. This is the real shit." - A Bro


I've had 2 meals in 4 days. The flight here is 'complete fucking bullshit' [via transfers and miscellaneous Brown airports]. You gain an hour. You lose an hour.

Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that it's Friday but it might still be Thursday. Life is so complicated that sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed by it all.
Sort of feel like the bro in the major motion picture That American Beauty; I am looking at the plastic bag situation and I am also looking for meaning. 
I've been hurt before - but I'm also willing to take a chance. On life.
I'm hungry. 1 beer costs about £1 a pint, give or take, but I need to eat something real. The food's not as nice as it was Thailand; I remember a circlejerk of spice and colour, whereas Cambodian food is more meat and 2 veg.

Obviously, I'm being scammed by the locals. The scam here is that 'they' offer you booze (which they get for cheap) and then 'you' reciprocate with booze (which is effing expensive) or 'you' get cut :-O amazed-face. It's really just another day at the office for the locals - but we can't hold it against them - we must do literally whatever it takes to alleviate the White Guilt, be that a charity funrun for Darfur or dying to death on the streets of Phnom Phen. To put it into perspective, a bro who works at a 'piece of shit minimum wage Tesco' job earns about $70-$100 a month. £1 is worth $1.60. 1 beer costs £1. 

I would scam me, were the situations flip reversed, y'all.
/:-/ concerned-face.


Q&A

When was the last time that you FEEL?
I feel that I look very kewl wearing a cut down T Shirt vest situation / aviator combo back in England, but here I feel that pasty-white tubby English-bros have spoiled the party for everyone, so now I don't know what to think.
Do we, as strong Caucasians living our modern lives in the 1st World, have a responsibility not to act like effing retards on tour to raise our nation's collective personal brand? (I'm talking about England, but also Australians and miscellaneous Europeans.)
Which of the following is the most entry level personal branding solution:
a) Baggy sadsack pants?
b) Miscellaneous MGMT headband?
c) Friendship bracelet personal branding decisions?
d) Tye-dye malfunctions?
e) Overweight broad / crop top combo?
f) 'Found myself Gwen Stefani Bindi 1990' situation?



Feeling very confused about our nation's collective brand when overseas.

Feeling like I need to turn the tide.
Feeling _____.

Today has been brought to you by CAMBODIA, but also by self-awareness and PERSONAL BRANDING.